yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
