I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
