I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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