So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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