I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
