so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
