I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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