last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
