I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
