I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
