One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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