If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
