Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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