I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
