you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
