We're like a lot better than the average bears
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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