took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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