two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
