I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
