This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
