Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
