508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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