once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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