She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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