Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
