capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
