Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
