Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
COCAINE IS GR8
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
