Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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