It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
