Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
