In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
