singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
