i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
