its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
