dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
