Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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