Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
