im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
