Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There are leaves in my underwear?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
