You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
