we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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