there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
