And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
