I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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