I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
