I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
