Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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