hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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