whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
