youre lurking in front of me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
