I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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