yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
