And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
