god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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